She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
