my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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