This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Randomize
