Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
