He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
