He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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