I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
