if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
