i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
