thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
