do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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