Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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