Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
