yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
