Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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