Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
