Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He has the fingertips of a God
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
