Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
