Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
