when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize