How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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