Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
