More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
