it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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