Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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