Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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