my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
