during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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