I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
