The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
