i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
