there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
