so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
