Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
