So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
