I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
