im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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