When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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