Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize