No, drunk sperm still make babies.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
