I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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