i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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