i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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