Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
