I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
