that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
