Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
