watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
