I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
