there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
