It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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