He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
