He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
