Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
