I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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