thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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