So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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