We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
