even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
