Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
