Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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