I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
