it was like eating out sand paper
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
whose parrot is this?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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