3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We got so high we made milksteak
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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