thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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