He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
