she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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