I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
