I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Boobs are out for the taking
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
