God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
