If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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