Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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