and she was petting her beer can
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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